THE UNOFFICIAL REVIEW:
As we see from the trailer, the third Narnia film opens in a British war recruitment office. Spunky young Edmund, lying about his age, is trying to sign up, hoping to protect good old Mother England by venturing deep into the land of the Germans and take down the mean old Kaiser himself. Sadly, his attempt is busted by his precocious sister Lucy, who whisks him off to go home, where they find themselves caught up in another exciting adventures.
As the Pevensie siblings leave however, one can’t help but wonder what would have happened if Edmund had succeeded, and gone off to fight in WW1. Tank battles? Hellish nights spent in trenches? Ravaging of nubile young milkmaids with blonde pigtails and leiderhosen? Your guess is as good as mine. What I would say however, is that even if Edmund Goes to War had been two hours of him eating sauerkraut and learning to pronounce Achtung, it would still have been more exciting than The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, which is dull, dreary, and uninspired.
The film begins as the other films in the series do. Edmund and Lucy, perennial Narnia tourists, find themselves sucked into their favorite fantasy world again, this time bringing their hygiene-obsessed, annoying cousin Eustace along. Landing in the ocean, they are rescued by their old buddy Prince Caspian, who has set sail with a ragtag bunch to locate the Seven Lost Lords Of Narnia.
Why is Caspian the Friendly Prince doing this? Seriously, I have no idea. Perhaps to collect all the backdated Christmas presents they owe him? Maybe. Why does the Prince of a mighty nation have nothing better to do than go sailing off on a mad quest with little chance of success? I don’t know. Why isn’t T-Pain’s kickass I’m On A Boat not on the film soundtrack? It’s a mystery.\
Regardless, the crew of the Dawn Treader find themselves thrown into an exciting adventure, as they visit exotic places like the Land of Hopscotch Champions, Temptation Island, and the site of the Narnian Last Supper (yes, this film is still a Christian allegory, REMEMBER?). While these are all interesting places, too little time is spent in each location for it to truly stick in one’s imagination, resulting in a rather routine feel for the film, as if the director was checking boxes on his ‘Stuff from the Book Which I Better Include’ list as he went along.
The same routine feel also goes for the plot: Prince Caspian has to collect the seven swords of the Seven Lords (say that three times fast) to place at a table to defeat a wicked island. There are moments of real menace, for example the final battle, but for most of the time, the film lacks the suspense necessary to keep its audience truly captivated. If the film’s intent was to capture the dull, monotonous, often nauseating experience of being at sea, then Yawn Treader is a success, if not, it is a disappointment.
Dawn Treader even drags at parts, an unforgivable sin for a fantasy film. The action sequences are also few and unmemorable; this fact is made worse by the lack of a proper villain to keep things interesting.
There are some good parts: the encounter with the star on Ramandu’s island is well done, and the final scene with Aslan is beautiful and rather touching. Its characters also do a decent job, with Will Poulter particularly effective as the sniveling Eustace. Of the animated characters, Simon Pegg delivers a chirpy, spirited performance as the courageous Reepicheep, although I found myself missing Eddie Izzard. Liam Neeson, however phones in a performance as Aslan, appearing to deliver a few dramatic lines here and there before disappearing for most of the film, most probably to do liony things like curling his mane and roaring in MGM film openings. (Is this blasphemy? Please don’t smite me)
All in all, recommended only for Narnia fans, although they might like to bring a nice pot of coffee with them into the cinema. Dawn Treader is a dreary film which you will most likely forget half an hour after seeing. If you are really eager for an exciting, epic swashbuckling adventure on the high seas, wait for Pirates of the Caribbean 4, at least that has Jack Sparrow and half-naked mermaids in it.
OVERALL GRADE: C
RANDOM OBSERVATIONS
The moral of the story seems to be: Being greedy will make you kickass.
I am sad to have to give the film a bad review, as I have always been a fan of C.S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia. The film series is suffering: already it was dropped by its original producers Disney due to Prince Caspian performing under par, and even after being picked up by Fox, it’s not doing well at the box office. I have a feeling they may not make any more Narnia films, which saddens me as The Silver Chair was one of my favorite Narnia books.
Yes, I get it that Tilda Swinton is a good actress, and she did a great job as the villainess in the first film. But shoehorning her into the third film despite having her having died in the first is RIDICILOUS and CONTRIVED! Next film, I bet they’re going to cast her as the Lady of the Green Kirtle . Remember folks, you heard it here first!
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